In my work, both as a researcher and as a therapist, I talk to many people who struggle with various health issues, such as migraine, anxiety, depression, insomnia and so on. Interestingly, when they describe the issue that bothers them and that they desperately want to overcome, people repeatedly call it “my” or “mine”… “My anxiety”, “my migraine”, “my depression”, “my back pain”… 

We all do this unconsciously, because “our” problem is special to us, we live with it and we deal with it. However, this creates serious conflict in our mind, and it keeps us stuck. Words like “my” and “mine” are words of ownership, so, you shouldn’t use them to describe something you don’t want to own. You can say “my children”, “my career”, “my house”, “my body”, because you love them and want to keep them, but you should never say “my migraine”, “my disease”, “my debt” or even “my ex-boyfriend”.

Use “the” instead, like in “the migraine”, “the disease”, “the ex-boyfriend”, etc… because if you say “my”, you own them, and your mind wants you to keep them around. But they are not yours, you don’t want to keep them, and you want them out of your life. Be careful about what you call “my”.

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